Creative Nonfiction
Middle Ground by Aaron Ren
I used to be utterly afraid of rock climbing. When you look down, you can’t help but think, “If this rope breaks, I’m probably gonna die.” But as I’ve grown to love the sport, it’s this exact fear that propels you forward. It’s akin to an artist’s canvas. The creativity needed to find your own path makes climbing unique. When you finally reach the top, it’s a sensation of relief and pride like no other. My biggest takeaway from rock climbing wasn’t any physical technique but rather what to do when you’re stuck. When you can’t seem to move yourself forward, yet you don’t want to go back down. It’s an uncomfortable middle ground.
The most common question strangers ask me after learning that I attended middle school in Beijing is: “Which did you like more, China or America?” I grew up in the suburbs of Baltimore, where being Chinese in America was an integral part of my identity. My childhood friends were all Chinese, I went to Chinese school every Sunday, and the Chinese lunches my mom packed for me were always so delicious. But it was my parents’ abrupt decision to move our family to Beijing in the midst of my 5th grade year that seemed to change my world. Suddenly, I became known as the newly arrived American in school. Although I had the same hair and eye color as everyone around me, I was never considered to be truly “Chinese”. My odd curly black hair and excellence in track competitions cemented this American persona to my peers. I remember, at the end of my first day of school in China, I sat on a park bench and wept aimlessly. I just felt so lost. I was stuck—between two giant rocks: one American and one Chinese.
Still, this story isn’t one where a kid in distress has a sudden revelation, emerging victorious in a single, grand moment. It’s a story of a continuous journey where he learns to coexist with himself in this “middle ground.”
Ever since returning to America for high school, I’ve had to face new challenges, living in a political climate that forces confrontation between my American background and my Chinese heritage, with both sides weaponizing fear of each other to spark conflict. But with rock climbing, I’ve learned to pause, take a deep breath, and visualize a different way up. Some days you might just find that angle or rock that pushes you to a new horizon. Other days you’ll find yourself slipping and dangling in midair. But you can never stop pushing, even if you have to drop down to the ground and tackle that block tomorrow. To weave your own path, you summon all your creativity, grit, and determination, using both rocks—American and Chinese—to propel you forward and ring that bell. That bell that represents you.
Chinese food is still my favorite food, but sometimes I prefer dipping my chicken in ranch before eating it with rice. I watch anime with Chinese subtitles, but I mostly read English books. Because of the pollution I witnessed in China first-hand, I refuse to use plastic bags or straws. I love hiking, the outdoors, and nature because of the beautiful NCR trail in Maryland. However, I can’t trace back all my traits. I love to dance despite having no moves, and I seem to always dance like there’s no tomorrow. I love to laugh and always laugh joyfully. It’s the past seven years I’ve spent learning to embrace this middle ground that has made me who I am—allowing me to find my path as an environmental advocate, a leader, and most importantly a better person.
So, when I get asked that question—which place I liked more? I say both.
Aaron Ren, a recent graduate from Dulaney High School, is attending University of Maryland in the Fall. He plans on majoring in Computer Science with a minor in Environmental Studies. Aaron loves to read fiction novels and is currently rereading Pride and Prejudice.
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